A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word sirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:1, NIV (1978)

This Bible truth has been one of the most difficult for me to learn. I am ashamed to admit that much of my younger years were spent more on the harsh word side than on the gentle answer one. But as one who has resisted this instruction, perhaps more times than not, I can tell you from bitter experience that the above passage is indeed correct. I have seen the results of a harsh word that I had uttered in anger quickly escalate into a fight that I was to regret far more time than I care to admit.

The truth of this verse really hit home in two events that happened very close together. And, while neither involved harsh words (at least none that were heard) both involved a response that had memorable results.

As with most of my ill-tempered mistakes in life, these two events happened while driving.

In the first incident, I was at a four way stop sign. Another car had got there about the same time but since he was the one on the left, I had the right of way... so I took it. When I did the other fellow laid into his horn in a very forceful manner. I looked over at him, made eye contact, and let him know that I was unafraid and unimpressed. He tore out and followed on my tail for several blocks before I came to a stop. Fortunately for me, he kept on going, and to his credit an unpleasant situation that we both may have regretted did not occur.

The second incident happened when I was driving along a busy street when I realized I needed to be in the left lane for a turn. There was a guy in a big pickup truck in that lane, so I slowed down so he could get ahead and I could scoot on over. But he picked that time to slow down, so I had to speed up. He decided at the same time to also speed up and I was running out of room to get into the lane I needed to. So I sped up, and ended up cutting him off. I didn't want to cut him off, but you can see that I had no choice.

He did not agree and he was not impressed.

To make matters worse, he had a girlfriend with him. I know this because at the light he pulled up close enough to my car for me to see them both. In truth, I could have probably seen how many cavities he had because he had pulled up, bumper to bumper in that big truck of his so he could look down into my little car. He looked to me as if he was in my back seat! I made eye contact with him in my rear view mirror and mouthed the word, "Sorry" and waved to him in an apologetic gesture.

The transformation was nothing short of incredible. His face, that had previously been a mask of rage, quickly lit up with a smile. He waved back and mouthed the words, "That's OK", and we parted as friends rather than enemies.

Now I realize that these incidents did not involve audible words, but the principle was the same as Solomon had given nearly 3,000 years ago in the verse that was quoted above: A gentle answer really does turn away wrath, whereas a harsh word really does stir up anger. It took me about twenty years (and several black eyes and swollen lips) to learn this lesson, but I eventually got the gist of it.

And, i should add, in a world that just seems to be getting more and more unfriendly, it's a lesson that is well worth learning. It's too bad that we have to learn so many of our lessons the hard way, but isn't it nice that we have such useful instructions given to us in God's Word. We have within our power the ability to turn a bad situation into one that is good, just as we can also turn a bad situation into a disaster. I don't know about you, but I prefer the one that leads to the happy ending over the one that ends only in sorrow... don't you?